She Finally Got the Message

I am grateful to this Thriver for sharing how she clarified her understanding of God’s will for her while in a destructive marriage.

My husband had left me and my whole world seemed to crash. I had a good job with the government, was 35 and was still hoping to have a child or 2. I met this man who was quite a bit older than I but he said he was a Christian; he was charming and adored me and still would be willing to have children.

I was swept up. We married and pretty much immediately things got worse and worse. He had told me what I wanted to hear and had lied about many things including wanting children. His idea of the perfect marriage was one in which my opinions only counted if they perfectly aligned with his in all ways. He had serious control issues. He told me I was as far below him as he was below God. If he told me to jump all I was to ask was how high.

However I had promised God I would love and honor him and I did the best I could to please. I tried to look at everything in a positive way. He took my paycheck as it came in the mail and I barely had enough money for coffee or a muffin at work. He would call my job and harass the secretaries if I wasn’t at my desk.

A few years into the marriage my boss called me in and insisted I go to counseling. Later, people from my office gathered and told me they could get me an apartment where one of them lived and give a ride to work. I went to the therapist but I had no options at the time and decided to stay since I had promised God to honor love and obey. I would have had to leave everything behind. I had already failed once. I wasn’t ready.

Things got increasingly violent. I remember my uncle died and having to fight with my husband about going to the funeral which was a 6 hour drive and a 6 hour drive back after the service. I had to wear sunglasses the whole time because I had a black eye, and was sore from him knocking me to the floor. Of course he had to go with me but he could do none of the driving.

So many incidents over the years. I was afraid I wouldn’t live to see old age. I finally was allowed to go to a Bible study one night a week after 7 years and I read so much in the Bible about marriage and Gods plan for it and what Jesus said. I must have read the whole Bible thru 2 or 3 times. The woman who led the Bible study had a doctorate in divinity and ran a program for abused women.

I finally understood that God did not intend for us to live in this kind of fear and misery. That we should honor our husband as we do Christ but their responsibility is just as important. They are to treat us as Christ treats the church. They are to put us first before themselves which means they want only to make us happy, put our needs and desires before their own. If they are not working toward this goal they have broken their covenant to us and to God.

If we are in a situation that is unsafe like I was, we need to leave. The issues only accelerate. God wouldn’t want us to stay there and even sends help. It took 8 years for me to accept it. After 10 years alone thinking I would never remarry I met someone who truly puts me first in every way. We just had our 17th anniversary and he still just wants me to be happy. We attend church together and he is more than I ever expected God to provide.”-(signed) Finally Got the Message

Take a Steamboat Up the River

One of the most daunting torments to overcome in religious domestic violence is the constant barrage of insults, accusations, and criticisms that surround a wife and can overwhelm her ability to respond to defend herself.

When selected Bible verses and faith concepts are twisted to control through guilt, shame and intimidation, a source of comfort is used against a victim.

When I lived under this verbal abuse, I come across an insight in meditation that helped me turn a torment into a source of strength. I call it the Steamboat method.

A steamboat uses the river it’s on to power its way through the water. It uses an internal fuel to turn wheels which feed off the water. In this way steamboats revolutionized river travel. Formerly they had to be towed up the river by horses on the bank. Now they could make their way up the river under their own power, overcoming resistance to their path.

I applied this method to mentally fortify my mind against verbal assaults. For every namecalling, slander, lie, or degrading word, I mentally reversed it. I was able to actually turn a demeaning negative into a positive.

In my self-help workbook, Redemption from Biblical Battering, I have sample exercises showing how it’s done. After charting the abuse and journaling, I took the list of toxic words and phrases and began listing their opposites.

Each time one would be used, I mentally substituted the positive for it. At this stage of the abuse, it was not safe for me to begin being assertive. But this practice helped free me from ill effects within my mind and heart. It also prepared me for things to say when I did begin to be assertive.

Later I realized that an abuser projects his own faults onto the victim. When my husband accused me of being unfaithful, I found out he himself was having an affair. When he accused me of being a derelict mother, it was his own abandonment he was talking about.

Bible verses can help develop your first counterstatements. Of course it takes energy to do this. So what is your fuel for your engine? Time in quiet, healthy self-nurturing, affirmative prayer and supportive women were my fuel. It kept the engine going to turn my wheels, using the waters of attacks to propel myself forward.

The more attacks, the more my wheels had to turn so I could move in the difficult challenge of going against pressures to submit to abuse.

I hope this analogy or metaphor can help you too. Or find another one that works for you. The Holy Spirit provides the fuel. Christ within is our hope of glory, turning the wheels to feed off of the river of trials. May we reach the safety and peace of a higher port up the river.

Flourishing After Abuse

Summit

featuring 20 professionals sharing their expertise for 12 days this month

Feb. 12-24

Here is the schedule of speakers. I will be sharing Feb. 19th.

  • Anne Nelson- Post-Traumatic Growth: Learning to Trust Yourself and Others Again
  • 2/13/24 Tuesday Kathey Batey: The Decision to Divorce
  • Dale & Faith Ingraham- The Impact and Response to Abuse
  • 2/14/24 Wednesday : Jennifer Lester- Taking back your power – Staying protected as you heal and beyond
  • Diane Schnickels- 3 Key Choices for Healing
  • 2/15/24. Thursday
  • Crystal Williams- How to Rebuild Your Financial Life
  • Angela Chambers- Restored after Divorce
  • 2/16/24 Friday
  • Jolene Underwood- Reconnecting to God’s Heart for You
  • Martha Fry- Self Care for Healing
  • 2/17/25 Saturday
  • Tabitha Westbrook- Healthy Sexuality After Abuse – Inviting Your Body to Something Different
  • Charlene Quint- Overcoming Abuse to Be the Woman You Were Designed to Be
  • 2/18/24 Sunday
  • Kristen Joy- Living Loved Changes Everything
  • Jenny- live zoom with VIP attendees for Q&A and implementation (or Saturday 17th)
  • 2/19/24 Monday
  • Stacey Wynn- Free to Love: Dating after Divorce
  • Shirley Fessel- Thriving After Religious Abuse: Three Keys
  • 2/20/24 Tuesday
  • Amy Elisabeth- Healing with Holy Spirit
  • Caprice Crebar- Nutrition and Healing
  • 2/21/24 Wednesda
  • Jess Nagy- Raising Resilient Kids
  • Dr. Susie Mierzwik- The IOUs of Rising from the Ashes
  • 2/22/24 Thursday
  • Bridget Goodwin- Finding Your Voice After Sexual Trauma
  • Mark Waters- Financial Recovery from Domestic Violence
  • 2/23/24 Friday
  • LeAnne Parsons- Buckle up your Boundaries with the Belt of Truth
  • Jenny- Embracing Your God-given Identity
  • 2/24/24 Saturday
  • Dr. Yve Ruiz- Free at Last: Embrace Engendering to an Extraordinary You!
  • Jennifer Lester- Breaking Bonds Ritual
  • 2:25/24 Sunday
  • Colleen Ramser- Reconnected Faith After Spiritual Abuse
  • Jenny- wrap up for all attendees
  • -live zoom for VIP attendees, Q&A and implementation
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2023 Annual RBB Thriver Award

 C.S. won the maximum $1,000 award for her thriving in spite of torment.

 “I have been married to an abusive man for 13 years. I didn’t know what red flags were until I had been married for over a decade. I didn’t understand the depth of wickedness men are capable of until realizing I have been married to an imposter of the faith.

The abuse started on our honeymoon and only escalated over the years. My husband’s behaviors included threats of suicide with guns for the purpose of control and manipulation, blocking exits, keeping me trapped in rooms, rape, coercion. lies, deceptions, porn, use of hidden cameras, spying, monitoring, withholding funds so I would have to beg for money to pay the bills and feed our children – or pay him for sexual favors for the money, violent animal abuse in front our children and I, abuse of our children (emotional and physical), kicking, intimidation (verbal, body language, and use of guns), regular threats to kill my dog, threats to kill me with details of how it would be done (but twisted to make me the villain), threats to take our children away from me or leave us trapped in the house with only what he choose to feed us, drinking and driving in secret, drinking and driving our children, isolation throwing me against the wall and strangling me in front of our children, sleep deprivation – and a great many things besides.

I felt I was the problem for many years. He would tell me I was such a horrible person that I couldn’t possibly be a Christian; though I sought The Lord and studied the Word as diligently as I knew how and did my best to serve Him, I believed his lies. I thought what he said must be true because he was my husband and said frequently that he loved me. He could also be very kind. But I felt like I was dying and didn’t know how to get well. I had a great many truths to discover from the Word of God which teachers so clearly about men such as these.

At the beginning of each year I was in the habit of praying about a theme for the year the Lord would have me focus on. In 2020 I felt strongly that I needed to be set free from something, though I didn’t know what. All I knew was that the Truth would set me free. As I pursued the Truth, I felt that I was lacking in wisdom and needed it desperately.

So I began to study Proverbs in my quest to find wisdom and really was parked there all year. It was through studying Proverbs that I began to understand and unravel what was going on in my marriage. I remember vividly the day that I was listening to a podcast on marriage – desperate to be a better wife and end the cycles of chaos and fear that controlled our home.

What I heard was a description of abuse. I was stunned. It sounded exactly like my life! I had no idea I had been experiencing abuse. I had no idea it came in cycles. I thought all along I was truly the problem and had begun to despair of life itself. The podcast host recommended calling the National Abuse Hotline if experiencing such things. So I did. More than once. They told me that I had been experiencing every form of abuse possible for the length of my marriage and recommended I develop a safety plan. But I was so confused! My husband could be so charming, so charismatic and quote scripture. He had been disciplined by our pastor for nearly three years, taught the Word of God in our church and called himself a missionary. He professed Christ and read Bible stories to our children.

I took some risk assessments during this time and reached out to our local shelter and found my risk of homicide was about 9 our of 10. As I researched abuse, my husband continued to escalate to the point I wasn’t sure my kids and I would make it out alive. After I watched him kick my daughter and then had me trapped in our bedroom while he took multiple guns, threatening suicide and commanding me not to leave the bed or talk to anyone, while checking me repeatedly throughout most of the night to m make sure I was obeying him and preventing me from going to our children. I couldn’t take it anymore. He had me trapped in the room because I hadn’t checked the phone for three hours while I was homeschooling our children that day. This was not love we were experiencing. It was a prison. Love casts out fear. It doesn’t create it.

Disciples of Christ love others. They don’t lie, deceive and manipulate those they profess to love. They don’t control others for their own gain to satisfy their desires.

The Word of God draws a clear line; either we love and obey Him and walk in light and love, or we follow the father of lies in deception, hatred and darkness. I came to realize I could not follow Christ fully while being forced to worship a man who does not follow Christ in deed and truth. I came to understand that God hates oppression more than He hates divorce.

I came to realize that I was actually previous in His sight and worth deliverance from wickedness. When I could name what we were experiencing, I was able to find clarity and direction. And it was resources like Shirlley’s that helped me name our experiences.

I went to my family seeking help to safely get a restraining order. I was disbelieved by the men in our family and put in danger when my older brother contacted our pastor. This pastor whom I considered to be my friend (and had ministered alongside in our own church as well as in a few different countries) was part of the spiritual abuse I experienced as well. He completlly sided with my abuser and did not act as a mandatory reporter when my daughter experienced physical abuse by her father. In fact, this pastor told me the state would take my kids away because I had sought help from our local domestic violence shelter.

During my time of researching abuse, I stumbled upon Shirley’s workbook. It was hugely helpful to me in unraveling the lies of abuse that are so entrapping and confusing. Her workbook was helpful in staying grounded throughout the process of trying to safely extricate my daughters and I. Being near an abusive person can be like living in a dense fog. Sometimes I wasn’t sure what was up or down, true or false, and her book was like a roadmap that helped me stay on course.

I have a restraining order for about a year and a half now*, and we are hopefully near the end of the legal battle for our divorce, but my kids and I are facing the prospect of possiby being homeless very soon and I am still virtually jobless at the moment I had been cowboying when I met my husband and threw my whole life into being a wife and mother so have been out of the workforce for many years. Though I am attending school online, it will be awhile before I can reap any financial benefit from my schooling and I feel extremely convicted to continue to homeschool my daughters. My goal in completing my schooling is the ability to work from home in order to be with them as much as I can. We have all been diagnosed with PTSD and I feel they need as much nurturing and stability as I can provide for them.

This grant will be extremely helpful in regaining our footing and rebuilding our lives as I attempt to start over and provide a haven for my daughters that is free of abuse.”

  • Since this writing, her ex did everything to drag out the divorce until finally mediation brought it to an end. Her parents have since supported her and provided alternative housing for them.

Religious Domestic Abuse is not about marriage or faith. 

Those are tools of the abuser.

Too often an abused woman in the church seeks help from a pastor, only to be told to go home and submit. If she prays more, loves more, studies Bible more, forgives more, she will solve her dilemma. 

Or, in the cases of caring but uninformed pastors, he may rebuke the man, only to be met with resistance because the abuser does not think there is anything wrong with what he is doing. 

Marriage is simply the setting the abuser is using. That’s because it’s hard to get out of. A long and costly battle is involved in trying to leave an abusive marriage. That’s after the gauntlet of so many churches counseling the evils of divorce. 

Recently a retired attorney posted that it can cost $100-200,000 to win a court battle with an abuser. Some are not willing to take that on and few women have those resources to fight. 

And with the weaponization of family courts against wives in conservative states, the prospects are even dimmer. Conservative legislators have passed laws which tie the hands of attorneys and judges, even if they might see that a woman and children need relief.

Catch-22s have been legislated against bringing abuse into courts as evidence for divorce. Therapist testimony has been discouraged. One attorney stated that evidence against the perpetrator had to be approved by defendent to be introduced in court. In some cases, abusers who would not be allowed to work around children are granted unsupervised visitation with their children. 

And faith is also not an issue. Churches, while potentially very important in providing support to women, misunderstand that counseling, even Christian counseling quoting Bible verses, will not help in these cases. They have no leverage with an abuser. In fact, an abuser will manipulate a counselor against the one seeking decent treatment. 

Bible verses are weaponized against victims but not applied to perpetrators because the Bible was written in a patriarchical culture and has been coopted by men seeking to stay in power using God’s name. They prey upon the woman’s desire to please God, always emphasizing where she has fallen short, even when this is not the case. Projection, gaslighting and forms of verbal abuse have all been bolstered by using some verse(s) against someone with a tender heart or conscience. My workbook and other advocates have listed the favorite ones, including the unlimited forgiveness and sacrificing unto death to imitate Christ. 

The “faithful” have a hard time wrapping their mind around this level of deceit. Often they do not believe victims. Abusers have hedged their bets by creating impressions of their victims with others ahead of time. And if the abuser is a church leader, the disbelief is even harder to overcome. 

So those who would help an abused believer need to understand that Bible verses or counseling against divorce are irrelevant in this case. They only work against a woman or man seeking relief from an abuser. 

A woman doesn’t just need support. She needs a team to deal with the forces that an abuser can marshal against her. The team must be knowledgeable, and professionals must be allowed to provide evidence from their field. 

Otherwise it’s just a kangaroo court where the outcome has already been decided and the process simply retraumatizes those already suffering. 

Accounts of women going into hiding, moving to another state, or even suiciding have been documented resulting from hopelessness of relief. Those who are fighting this new form of abuse are learning some realities that have not yet been publicized. In some cases, even if they would, they would be coopted as other support has been.

It is important to strengthen while still in the marriage because it will be even  harder to get out and establish a new life. But not to do so is to agree to subject the mother and children to more abuse. My workbook, Redemption from Biblical Battering, is the process I used to do this. 

There are other resources as well. Not only is the level of coercion hard but Christian women find it hard to think in the terms needed to overcome an abuser. They may cling to the idea that he will care, that he will try to make it work, he will listen to reason, or other assumptions. Abusers are not reasonable.

Some of the advice is to try to move away to a fairer state where courts are not used as weapons against women seeing relief. Other ideas are not to agree to more visitation than necessary, since time will not be decreased. Some women believe they should feel sorry for the father and agree to too much, not realizing this is not a fair fight between two sincere parties.

Conditioned to give, women may have a hard time understanding that giving more concessions is not the solution in this case.  This is not about what is fair. This is about his determination to win, no matter what level of harm is involved. His level of control is being challenged, the original sin.

Women sometimes believe that separating will improve the behavior of the abuser. They are surprised when the husband doubles down. If he was not livable before the divorce, he certainly isn’t going to be during the divorce. 

Other resources for dealing with this new reality in the fight against domestic abuse can be found in articles about co-parenting with narcissists or Women’s Coalition International. This extreme state is also hard to believe. But advocacy is building. Unfortunately, it does not help those children being mandated to visit or even be fully under the custody of an abuser and the courts to control women seeking to escape.

A New Lesson for Church Women

Recently I polled Twitter for reasons church women do not help women being abused in their church. I was shocked at the responses.

Some thought it was the power of group membership. Others that they feared male authority. But the number one reason was to feel superior.

What happened to Jesus’ message of helping the sufferer? I naively thought people were in a church because they believed in helping others as Jesus taught.

Now I understand not wanting to get personally involved in a messy conflict between a wife and husband. But that is not what is needed. We all know people can do more harm than good if they don‘t know how to help.

But too many churches are upholding male entitlement. They are siding with the abuser and shunning the victim. Shunning a woman retraumatizes her.

How is it that women, who represent caring, turn against one another in the church, the institution of Jesus’ caring?

Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee asks

          Can we remember the wholeness within us, the wholeness

that unites spirit and matter? Or will we continue walking

 down this road that has…but women off from their sacred power

 and knowledge?

The dedication to denying that women are made in the image of God equally not  only betrays Jesus’ foundation of respect for women but also justifies abuse and violence against women.

The story of Sarah and Hagar illustrates women’s plight today. Both were put at odds with one another as pawns for men’s agendas, patriarchy. They didn’t recognize each other as ‘sisters in suffering’ (Vanessa Rivera de la Fuente). The toxic legacy continues today.

Both women showed the ability to directly communicate with God outside male parameters, but were nonetheless subjugated to submission and servitude. A Biblical version preceding the Handmaid’s Tale, it illustrates the gender wound women are born with. Worth, even survival, depends on bonding with a man. Status comes from the man. Male social domination comes to be believed, elevated to truth, in the church, as divine will.

So women are either oppressed or agents of oppression in religious groups. One ends up helping to recreate the patriarchical world. She is invested in it, to  her degradation. Men also are limited by  it.

Women must learn to reject enmity between each other in the church, to see how patriarchy damages everyone. Church women can start by discovering and honoring themselves as independently worthy humans in the image of a God who is neither male nor female. They can work with other women who are already on the journey. Making God only male is idolatry.

The demonization of the word “feminism” should be a red flag to women in the church. Feminism is simply upholding women’s equality. It shows up in many ways. Men in church condemn it because it is a form of power not under their control.

Befriending women outside the male definition of a “good woman” is a transformational journey. The same forces that subject a church woman to abuse in her marriage are operating in less obvious but equally powerful ways in other church women.

Church women must reject hatred of other women to feel secure in patriarchy. Only by strengthening our ties with one another will we truly be followers of Jesus.

Motherhood, Domestic Abuse and Family Court

I did not want to mar the good parts of Mothers’ Day so I waited to post this disturbing report.

Yesterday reports from Child Welfare Monitor said there is a Family Court crisis of placing children with abusive parents, some of whom die.

I am not including the horrible way some of the children were murdered by their abusive fathers.

The Center for Judicial Excellence has data on 707 children

murdered by divorcing parents since 2008.

The primary reason: courts do not believe the mother, usually the protective parent, in spite of documented abuse.

Mothers going to family court are advised by their attorneys not to mention their abuse. If so, they often lead to adverse custody rulings.

Immediately some raise what sounds like common sense objections. Fathers have been mistreated by courts. Mothers can be abusive too. On and on. This is known as false equivalency: treating every idea as if of it’s of equal weight and validity.

But just as in church arguments that a women “must have done something” to warrant abuse, there is no justification for courts awarding unsupervised visitation or sole custody to fathers with documented abuse.

Last year Texas courts doubled down on protecting parents accused of abuse. Federal monitors report Texas child welfare system exposed children to harm.

Texas is not alone. Kentucky is documented as the worst. In politically conservative states a backlash against women’s rights has doubled down by removing children from women seeking asylum from domestic abuse through family court rulings.

Some might say this is due to low educational levels or poverty. But a common denominator in these states is also a fundamentalist religion that argues against education outside the home, which leads to poverty. Women not allowed to work in a two-income society exacerbates this problem.

Rather than a chicken-egg dilemma, churches are responsible for the results of what they preach and teach to believers. When a religious leader enforces second class status for women through enforced motherhood and submission, the results are predictable.

The influence of the recent evangelical pressure on officials and candidacy for legislative and judicial offices shows a clear path to the increased weaponization of courts against mothers seeking protection for themselves and their children from abusive fathers.

Since statistics clearly show that most victims of domestic abuse are women, it is fair to say that this majority would translate to the number of women seeking divorce and custody in family court.

The hypocrisy of a religious view that sees women as only sexual or submissive has become fatal in these cases. The attempt to keep women housed and having children is couched in pious terms, but the reality of the treatment of mothers in systems administered by adherents to this misogyny counters this piety.

Mothers are in agony this Mothers’ Day from unjustly losing their children to courts influences by those who say motherhood is the highest calling for women and that they should stay home and be submissive to men.

Just as the abortion bans enforce motherhood, the family courts are enforcing submission to abuse for those mothers. The message is clear: submit or lose your kids.

It appears that male entitlement has no limits to what they will do to keep women controlled in the name of God.

Anyone familiar with domestic abuse knows that abusive fathers often use the children as leverage to stay in control of the mother. Their motivation is not concern for children.

Often they seek sole custody to avoid paying child support. As a school counselor, I have often seen fathers with sole custody using older daughters to take care of the home and siblings or worse. This prevents her from furthering her education or working.

Parents we  had to hotline would routinely withdraw their children to “homeschooling” and  move to a town in the state known by authorities to uphold abuse, and where their practices were reinforced by the evangelical church.

The application of misogynist religious ideas has become fatal in cases of unsupervised visitation or sole custody given to abusive fathers in family courts.

Weaponizing courts is not new. Racism and sexism have done it since America was founded. Women and children as a man’s property was common then. We were supposed to have outgrown this ignorance and evil.

But instead some states have regressed even further. States supporting misogyny in the name of God have officials removing children from a protective mother’s care. Happy Mothers day sermons are a mockery and children are dying.

What’s wrong with forgiveness?

The benefits of forgiveness are well known. By releasing resentments, the person who has been harmed can be healed of the pain of mistreatment and stop allowing the harmful person to live “rent free” in their head and heart.

So why is it hard to hear someone else encourage a mistreated wife or child to forgive? Because too often that is not what is meant. Instead the person suffering is being asked to not hold the person who harmed them accountable.

It’s just another cruel example of using a faith concept to re-traumatize a suffering believer.

Self-righteous platitudes are not compassion. They are backhanded negative judgments pretending to be helpful.

What makes the accuser think the aggrieved person has not forgiven? Can s/he see in their heart?

What they usually mean is that they don‘t want to hear the aggrieved person talk about their pain, about the reality of having been violated, because it means that the listener might need to do something helpful or healing. Or face that they are supporting wolves in sheep’s clothing.

This is the type of arrogant attempt to socially coerce the person who has been harmed in order to let the harmful person off the hook. A favorite label is telling the woman she is “bitter” if she is honest about being hurt. 

Here are some of the problems with urging a victim to forgive  

Continue reading “What’s wrong with forgiveness?”

Following the Light in You

“Christ in you, your hope of glory.” – Col 1:27

I love this verse, and it strengthened me in my struggle to escape religious domestic abuse.

But how does it work?

Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to empower his followers. These powers include guidance, comfort, and healing. But the major truth to remember for those living in abuse is power.

The entire work and message of Jesus is to elevate human lives. During this season, globally, Christmas is celebrated as light overcoming darkness.

A woman living in religious domestic abuse are given platitudes about why she should stay, try harder, pray harder, save her husband, and other man-made teachings that only serve to keep her in bondage to the abuser mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

This is not Jesus’ message and He left the Holy Spirit to dwell within us when we face such challenges to our relationship with Christ.

Wealthy foreign wisdom keepers traveled to honor the presence they saw shining from afar. Humble people came to see their hope for a better life, an escape from oppression and cruel domination of governments.

There is no indication that the birth of the Christ child would leave people in suffering. The joy was in the opposite expectation.

How is your relationship with Christ living with a rager, a person disrespecting whom he is supposed to love as Christ loved us?  A person who cannot control his own spirit as the Proverbs urge? The Proverbs are in the Old Testament, so Jesus called us to even higher relationships. The abuser you are with is not even meeting old Jewish standards of marriage, much less Christian love.

The reasons you stay are many or perhaps just one. But before all else, I had to believe I could be free. I knew that my heart could not hold a close relationship with Christ when confronted daily by hatred. To honor and commune with the Holy Spirit within that Jesus sent me, I had to have the power to leave. And I knew it was God’s will I do. I believed I would be guided and supported in refusing degradation. I would have power.

May you honor the Holy Spirit given to God’s beloved. May you rejoice in the birth of Jesus, a  man with God’s spirit within, who preached liberty to the captives.

including you.